The Battle of Towering Electric Mongoose and Centipede

Towering Electric Mongoose advanced. Centipede snarled, spitting mucus from its furry mandibles. TEM rose up upon hind legs, iron claws protruding automatically from paws. Centipede whisked around in anger, hissing at his robotic antithesis.

Rupert Murdoch, from his womb of light perched high above the aggressors, barked orders at the many-legged arthropod of Hell. "Attack creature! Attack!" he spat feverishly, sensing his plan of world domination could be facing its only possible threat.

Centipede leapt into the face of TEM, causing the plucky machine to fall to the ground from his lofty perch. Wriggling in TEM's face, the centipede squirted venom through its forcipules into the eyes of my machine. TEM's jaw opened to utter a shriek of robot pain, its transistors fusing and causing smoke to emit from all of its orifices.

The wretch seemed all but done for, until it leapt up and flattened the squirming worm, gripping its spidery tendrils with all of its power. The spider which had given birth to this creature scampered about on Murdoch's back at the sight of this, in some disgusting satanic parody of maternal care. Murdoch screamed in horror as his creature was clutched by my wonderful metal mongoose.

But it was not yet over, for the centipede twisted and came out on top of my TEM. The giant two then rolled around in the dirt of the park, splashing through ponds and killing swans, destroying a bandstand and impaling an elderly lady on a pitchfork.

The two continued to roll in a terrifying death grip, thundering on towards the woods from whence the Centipede had originally emerged. As they tussled and fought for life - and each others death - they became submerged in the woods until the two fell out of sight and all became momentarily quiet.
Finally the Centipede rose from the woods, its back arched in fury as it pounced upon TEM as if for the final brutal kill. It disappeared again from view as the blow was made... all was silent. And then TEM rose, its eyes shining bright red, its forearms fully outstretched and gripping the Centipede in its powerful claws.

With the beast raised high in the air, TEM pulled the Centipede into two, its green fluids pouring down upon the park. It then devoured the Centipede, chewing heartily on its victim.

It was over. Or at least the threat of the Satanic Centipede was over. I still had to deal with my arch nemesis, Rupert Murdoch and his spider bride, the monster that was once Rebekah Brooks. Reaching from my window ledge, I picked up a sniper's pistol and raised it in the air as he hovered nearby.

"Your days are numbered, you fiend!" I called to the maniacal brute, who was staring towards the TEM masticating on his monster. I pulled the trigger, but instead of shooting Murdoch, it jammed. Murdoch flew towards me and hovered in my window.

"Ha ha ha! Stigwood you miss your chance, my friend!" he laughed, and he and his spider flew away into the horizon, leaving a trail of cheese-scented gas behind him.

As I watched his cheesy vapour trail evaporate, I wondered to myself when I would next encounter the evil of Rupert Murdoch. Sooner that I would like, that is for sure.

THE END

Battle commences...

It was in the early hours of the morning that I was woken by a distant screaming. My eyes snapped open and I rushed to my window to set eyes upon my nemesis, for whom I had been preparing these past weeks in utter seclusion. However, whatever image I had prepared of my foe was incomparable to what lay before me then.

Looking across the Pinner Memorial Park which lay behind my boarding room, a gargantuan creature, perhaps 15 metres high, came crawling though the trees at the far end. It was a centipede of the genus Scolopendra Cingulata, with alternating bands of black and yellow gold across its back. It was crawling quickly upon its numerous yellow legs, feeling its way with pink antennae. As it progressed through the woods, it tore up and ate anything in its path, crunching whole trees in its elongated mandibles.

Alongside the centipede flew Rupert Murdoch, whose ancient imaciated body hovered high up in the air within a globe of glassy light which held him in the sky under his control, presumably via the wires that were protuding from his head. Clutching onto Murdoch's back was the orb-weaver spider which had given birth to the sickening multi-legged monstrosity that was now approaching the bandstand.

"Prostrate yourself before me and you may be spared!" barked Murdoch like some insane dictator. "You are all my subjects now, lie down before the terrible centipede!" While many ran away screaming, some did as they were bid by Murdoch and lay down, believing they were entering into some new world order, only to be gobbled up by the creature.

The time had come to find out whether my preparations would be fruitful. Taking up a remote control device, I pressed a switch. Many metres under the park, my machine began to burrow upwards towards the scene of mayhem. Finally my creation emerged from its hole - the Towering Electric Mongoose, or TEM for short. Thin and lithe, the 20-metre high robot bore the familiar characteristics of a mongoose - the scruffy-haired mammal that naturally preys on centipedes - but was created soley of metal by my genius hands.

The centipede turned and set eyes on the TEM and progressed to attack. It was to be a bloody battle...

TO BE CONTINUED....