The Battle of Towering Electric Mongoose and Centipede

Towering Electric Mongoose advanced. Centipede snarled, spitting mucus from its furry mandibles. TEM rose up upon hind legs, iron claws protruding automatically from paws. Centipede whisked around in anger, hissing at his robotic antithesis.

Rupert Murdoch, from his womb of light perched high above the aggressors, barked orders at the many-legged arthropod of Hell. "Attack creature! Attack!" he spat feverishly, sensing his plan of world domination could be facing its only possible threat.

Centipede leapt into the face of TEM, causing the plucky machine to fall to the ground from his lofty perch. Wriggling in TEM's face, the centipede squirted venom through its forcipules into the eyes of my machine. TEM's jaw opened to utter a shriek of robot pain, its transistors fusing and causing smoke to emit from all of its orifices.

The wretch seemed all but done for, until it leapt up and flattened the squirming worm, gripping its spidery tendrils with all of its power. The spider which had given birth to this creature scampered about on Murdoch's back at the sight of this, in some disgusting satanic parody of maternal care. Murdoch screamed in horror as his creature was clutched by my wonderful metal mongoose.

But it was not yet over, for the centipede twisted and came out on top of my TEM. The giant two then rolled around in the dirt of the park, splashing through ponds and killing swans, destroying a bandstand and impaling an elderly lady on a pitchfork.

The two continued to roll in a terrifying death grip, thundering on towards the woods from whence the Centipede had originally emerged. As they tussled and fought for life - and each others death - they became submerged in the woods until the two fell out of sight and all became momentarily quiet.
Finally the Centipede rose from the woods, its back arched in fury as it pounced upon TEM as if for the final brutal kill. It disappeared again from view as the blow was made... all was silent. And then TEM rose, its eyes shining bright red, its forearms fully outstretched and gripping the Centipede in its powerful claws.

With the beast raised high in the air, TEM pulled the Centipede into two, its green fluids pouring down upon the park. It then devoured the Centipede, chewing heartily on its victim.

It was over. Or at least the threat of the Satanic Centipede was over. I still had to deal with my arch nemesis, Rupert Murdoch and his spider bride, the monster that was once Rebekah Brooks. Reaching from my window ledge, I picked up a sniper's pistol and raised it in the air as he hovered nearby.

"Your days are numbered, you fiend!" I called to the maniacal brute, who was staring towards the TEM masticating on his monster. I pulled the trigger, but instead of shooting Murdoch, it jammed. Murdoch flew towards me and hovered in my window.

"Ha ha ha! Stigwood you miss your chance, my friend!" he laughed, and he and his spider flew away into the horizon, leaving a trail of cheese-scented gas behind him.

As I watched his cheesy vapour trail evaporate, I wondered to myself when I would next encounter the evil of Rupert Murdoch. Sooner that I would like, that is for sure.

THE END